It was an odd thing...

Today after work, I crashed. I crashed...HARD.  I got home around 6 and woke up a little after 8!  It wasn't just a nap, it was one of those mini comas that when you wake up from it you aren't quite sure if it's 8 am or 8 pm...I know I dreamt and while I have fleeting memories of what they were, there is no way I could contextualize what went on in my head.  Normally, I don't mind a good, solid nap...the problem with today's is that when I woke up I was supposed to be running.

So I got up, and after a quick inner debate on whether or not I should take the night off, I got into my running gear.  I tried to stretch, but I was so, so stiff from just waking up, everything just hurt to try.  I walked out of the apartment somewhere between 8:20 and 8:30...the sun was setting just enough to not flood me as I ran tonight...maybe the timing was better than I thought. 

I started my run in a haze.  I don't know that I was fully awake.  After a bit, I sort of woke up and realized I had a better than normal pace after the half mile mark.  I almost cursed myself for nearly as soon as I realized that, I had to slow down to my normal crawl...for about the next mile I would speed up and slow down as my body allowed me.  Then!  As I rounded the last corner and headed down the last quarter mile stretch, something happened.  It was an odd thing.  I sped up.  I sped up in a way that happens in dreams.  It wasn't a runner's high, though it was as close to one as I've gotten to in years, but I was running without consequence.  Nothing hurt, my feet didn't impact with the road, but connected with it.  My breathing wasn't labored, but measured.  My stride was good and my pace was solid.  For that quarter mile, when I usually run out of energy, I had all the energy I wanted.  There was no effort in that distance.  I don't know what switch it was that flipped inside me, but I know it's there.  It's like my body had this flashback to 18 years ago when I would run for the sake of running...it wasn't about getting in shape, it was running cause that's what I did.  I remember how good it felt just to go out and run, to go somewhere and come back.  To drive down a road the next day and think, I just ran down this road last night.  I want that feeling again.  I want it back.

I want to do better.

"I am a leaf on the wind - watch how I soar"